Is mediation right for me?
Yes - if you are seeking to avoid a contentious, protracted and expensive divorce and you are willing to come to mediation to attempt in good faith to resolve your differences with your spouse. By agreeing to mediate, you do not relinquish any of your legal rights and the mediation can be discontinued at any point if you, your spouse or the mediator feel that the process is unproductive.

What are the advantages of "direct" negotiations?
Direct negotiation expedites the resolution of issues and often results in better long term communication between the parties. Many couples with children report that participation in mediation has improved their ability to resolve ongoing issues concerning their children after the divorce. Additionally, children of parents who mediate adjust better to their parent's divorce.

If we can't get along, how can we mediate?
Marital difficulties are often accompanied by anger, distrust and a breakdown in communication between spouses. A skilled mediator can defuse these negative feelings and help each party present their needs in a way that the other can hear and understand. This enables the parties to fashion an agreement that each party finds acceptable.

Is mediation a substitute for having my own attorney?
Divorce is a major legal event in your life. It would be foolish to make important decisions about your future and that of your children without first being sure that you understand your legal rights and the legal ramifications of any agreements you make. Mediation does not eliminate the need for lawyers. Mediation simply changes the role of lawyers from adversarial negotiators to legal consultants. Throughout the mediation, parties are encouraged to consult with there own attorney if they have any questions regarding their legal rights. Parties who have not consulted with a lawyer during the process should have the final agreement reviewed by their counsel before signing it. Mediation substantially reduces legal fees by limiting the lawyer’s function to reviewing the final agreement and serving as a legal consultant during the process.

I heard that in mediation I would have to pay a large sum of money up front just to get started?
I do not require any up front fees or retainers to begin a mediation. Fees are paid by the hour at the end of each mediation session. In this way you know exactly how much time is being spent and for what you are being charged. You can choose to increase or decrease the time spent depending on your goals and budget.

I am afraid that I will have to compromise too much and will not get everything I want?
Mediators are trained to focus on the same issues that would be examined by the court: spousal support, asset distribution, child custody, property settlement, and parenting plans. With the help of the mediator, the couple decides what is fair. The mediator serves to assure that there will be an equitable balance in all agreements.

Since children get hurt by divorce no matter what, it doesn't matter whether I decide to mediate or litigate my divorce?
This is incorrect. By its very nature, litigation is an adversarial process. Thus it promotes a climate of tension and acrimony. Mediation, on the other hand, promotes a climate of co-operation. The mediator is continuously keeping in mind the emotional, psychological, and financial interests of the children. Since parents will remain parents after the divorce, it is in the best interest of the children for them to learn how to negotiate for the future.

Wouldn't it take just as long to get divorced using a mediator as it would if I hired and attorney?
On the contrary, by using a mediator to handle your divorce, you save time. Since all the negotiations are spent with the couple being present, and conversations between spouses occur directly with one another, a considerable amount of time is saved. In a litigated divorce one party talks to his/her attorney who in turn talks to the other attorney, who then talks to his/her client, only to begin the cycle again. By having the parties talk directly to each other with a mediator, a great deal of time is saved.

I will suffer no matter what I do, so mediation cannot help?
Pain is a natural part of dissolution. However the mediation process mitigates the pain by empowering the parties to focus on the issues that need to be resolved. The process allows for each party to express his or her feelings while focusing on the decisions that need to be made. With the help of a trained mediator, both the emotional and psychological issues as well as the legal issues will be attended to. This process helps reduce or eliminate the additional pain that is part of an acrimonious litigated divorce.

I understand that I will have to give up my right to go to court if I choose mediation?
This is not true. You give up none of your rights when you decide to mediate. Should the mediation break down, you are always free to exercise your right in court.

My spouse is an emotional bully. I will not be protected unless I have a lawyer to defend me?
An experienced mediator is usually able to diffuse most emotionally charged situations. Mediators focus on empowering the weaker party so that equitable decisions can be made. In addition, mediators often recommend that the couples seek outside consultants (e.g., accountants, attorneys, appraisers, etc.) in order to be more informed. By the time mediation is concluded a balance of power is usually achieved with the rights of both parties being addressed.

I am sure I want a divorce. I thought you only go to a mediator if you want to reconcile your marriage?
Mediation is not marriage counselling. People come to mediators for the purpose of obtaining a divorce with less pain than occurs in litigation. Divorce mediation hopes to effect a balanced settlement of the issues facing couples where both parties can participate in deciding their own future. In a litigated divorce the judge decides what is fair: in a mediated divorce the couple decides.

How long does it take?
About six to twelve hours, depending on the complexity of your estate and your dynamics. If you do more work outside the session, collecting the data, sharing it and discussing it, you will spend less time in the session. If you fight a great deal about the past, the entire mediation process could take longer. It's up to you. We move at whatever pace you set, always contingent, of course, on doing a thorough and careful job.

How much does it cost?
My fee is $185 an hour and I expect you to share in that fee in a ratio that is appropriate.

Can we use one attorney or do we each have to have an attorney?
I recommend you each have your own attorney. That gives a second opinion on the agreement, which, after all, covers you for the rest of your lives. But you don't have to make this decision until the end of the process.

What information do I need to bring into sessions?
We will need a budget from each of you on what it will cost you to live apart. We will need a net worth statement from each of you showing everything you own and everything you owe. Also, we will need the last three years tax returns. Of course, when we look at the net worth statement we will also need documentation of all of your assets and liabilities. I will give you forms you need to complete before we get started.

I'm afraid to have an open and honest discussion with my spouse. I'm afraid that if I say the wrong thing (or share information I don't want him/her to know), this will cost me in the final divorce?
Mediation is confidential and courts in Maryland do not normally admit into evidence any offers made in a settlement conference. That is, when offers are exchanged in negotiations prior to the trial they are done so without prejudice. There is nothing to be afraid of. You will have to share all of the information with each other during the mediation in order to make intelligent decisions. If you don't share all of the information in mediation, then you will share it when subpoenaed by the other's attorney, and if you don't share the information with the attorney, the judge will you to share the information with him. So, the question is not whether you share the information, but when you share it. You will have to provide the information - either here voluntarily, at the attorney's in an adversarial arena, or in court under orders of the judge.

Aren’t mediation and therapy almost the same thing?
The goal of therapy, including divorce counselling, is to help the individuals resolve emotional problems so as to become more comfortable and functional in their lives. The goal of mediation is to help the divorcing couple make decisions about the business aspects of their marriage and to develop a workable plan for the future.

The difference between the therapy process and the mediation process is just as striking as the difference between their goals. Therapy focuses on feelings, searches them out, explores them, and even provokes them. Conflict and anger are not avoided or diffused and, in fact, are made central. Looking for nice, neat answers is discouraged. Mediation is almost the opposite. The focus is on gathering information, much of which is quantifiable, and making decisions about the business aspects of their marriage. In short, the major focus of therapy is on the process, while that of mediation is on achieving a specific goal.

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Owings Mills Mediation
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